Sherlock Gnomes Movie Novelization

  Chapter 1

  On the busy streets of London, a car with a mattress strapped to its roof zoomed past redbrick buildings and bustling little shops. A U-Haul lurched behind it, skidding and sliding over the pavement.

  Inside the U-Haul, cardboard boxes were stacked neatly on top of one another. As the truck rounded a sharp corner, a box was flung onto its side. The lid flipped open to reveal garden gnomes, stone rabbits, and other lawn ornaments tightly wrapped in Bubble Wrap.

  Suddenly, as if by magic, a pretty young gnome with fearless brown eyes pushed her face out from under the Bubble Wrap. She wiggled over to another gnome with a scruff of beard and a tiny scar slashed through his eyebrow. “Gnomeo, isn’t this great? London! A new garden!” she exclaimed. Her red cap clinked gently against Gnomeo’s blue one.

  It was a well-kept secret that when no human was looking, garden ornaments could come to life. Everyone could move about as they pleased—as long as they didn’t get caught.

  “Juliet, you are so cute when you’re excited,” Gnomeo teased. He was so happy to be with the love of his life, moving to an exciting new city.

  Juliet’s brows shot up. “Cute?”

  Gnomeo cleared his throat. “Did I say cute? I meant you’re inspiring, dauntless, bold, cool yet hot—when you’re excited.”

  Juliet smiled. “Now, that’s more like it!” She gazed happily at Gnomeo. It was hard to believe that not long ago, she and Gnomeo’s families had been bitter enemies.

  For years, there had been a terrible feud between two old neighbors, Ms. Montague and Mr. Capulet. Neither remembered how it started, but once it did, even their gardens took part. Juliet’s father, Lord Redbrick, commanded Mr. Capulet’s garden full of red-capped gnomes. Lady Bluebury, Gnomeo’s mother, was in charge of Ms. Montague’s garden, and the blue-hatted gnomes inside it.

  When Gnomeo met Juliet, it was love at first sight. But it was a dangerous thing, for a blue to love a red. Lord Redbrick and Lady Bluebury’s mutual loathing had led to the destruction of both gnome gardens and had nearly cost Gnomeo and Juliet their lives.

  Realizing that their anger had almost destroyed everything, Lord Redbrick and Lady Bluebury had made peace. It was not in time to save their gardens, but it was in time to save their children.

  And now, they were on their way to a new home, a new garden, and a new life! Gnomeo closed his eyes as he leaned in to kiss Juliet.

  Suddenly the U-Haul hit a speed bump. Gnomeo opened his eyes to find a tiny gnome grinning at him. His blue hat had been sheared off at the base. “Wow, that was unexpected,” said the tiny gnome.

  Gnomeo slapped his forehead. He had just kissed his best friend, Benny!

  “I can see why she likes you!” Benny turned and looked expectantly at Juliet’s maid, Nanette, a porcelain frog with wide pink lips.

  Nanette shook her head over and over. And then she shook it some more. “I’m giving you a subtle look that says, ‘absolutely no way,’ ” she warned Benny.

  The U-Haul took another turn and suddenly the gnomes were rattling over a cobblestone street.

  “It seems we’re going through some unexpected bumpulance, so, everyone, hold on to their Bubble Wrap!” called Lord Redbrick.

  “Listen to Lord Redbrick,” advised Lady Bluebury. “Whatever you do, however tempting it may be, do not pop your Bubble Wrap.”

  Pop. Pop. Pop pop pop pop pop.

  “Benny!” cried Lady Bluebury.

  Benny held a bubble between his fingers. Then he popped it. “I can’t help it. It’s a syndrome.”

  As the U-Haul jostled the gnomes, Lord Redbrick turned to Lady Bluebury. “I hope this place has a proper garden. You know how city gardens can be.”

  “Don’t worry, dear.” Lady Bluebury patted Lord Redbrick on the shoulder. “We’ll be fine.”

  “Guys, why don’t we all picture our dream garden?” suggested a gnome with daisies painted over his green smock. He pushed up his oversize glasses. “And then that’s just what it’ll be!”

  Everyone stared at Paris.

  Paris blinked twice, pushed his glasses up even farther, and coughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s how life works.”

  “You know what I want?” Nanette asked dreamily. “I want a massive infinity pool.”

  “And an even bigger box than this!” exclaimed a tough-looking doe ornament named Fawn. Pulling free of his Bubble Wrap, he used his hooves to shove down three tiny gnomes with red hats draped over their eyes. “Move, goons!” he growled, trying to make more room for himself.

  As he spoke, the U-Haul slowed to a stop.

  “We’re here!” Lady Bluebury announced.

  Gnomeo took Juliet’s hands in his. “You ready?”

  Juliet squeezed as hard as she could. “Can’t wait.”

  “Poses, everyone!” shouted Lord Redbrick. All the gnomes and lawn ornaments froze in place.

  Gnomeo and Juliet stood as still as they could. The van doors opened and a pair of hands picked up their cardboard box. They held their breath as they waited to see what their new garden home had in store for them.

  Chapter 2

  Mr. Montague and Ms. Capulet spent the better part of the morning and afternoon arranging the gnomes and other lawn ornaments in their new garden. They finally finished as a large clock in the distance was striking three.

  Dusting off their hands, the two humans took one last look around, and then left the garden. The second they were gone, a rooster weather vane perched on the roof of the house swung toward the garden. It signaled to the lawn ornaments that it was safe to come to life.

  As the gnomes looked around, an awful silence filled the air. It was true that they had destroyed their old gardens, but they were used to being in a tidily kept, well-managed backyard.

  Now what they saw stretched out in front of them was an overgrown wasteland. Neglected trees and weeds choked every other living thing trying to poke out of the ground.

  “Wait, where’s the garden?” Fawn rubbed his eyes, but the sight did not go away.

  The goons gathered around the stricken deer. “This is the garden, Fawn,” they said.

  Fawn groaned. “I want to go back in the box,” he demanded.

  Several small stone bunnies hopped up to Lady Bluebury. Using their own form of rabbit sign language, they twitched their ears back and forth.

  “Bunnies!” gasped Lady Bluebury. “This garden may not be what we expected, but there’s no need for profanity.”

  Lord Redbrick shook his head. “I’m not so sure of that,” he said darkly. The garden looked very grim to him.

  Paris gazed sadly over the scene. He had believed so completely that if he just imagined what his dream garden would look like—neat rows of flowers, a perfectly trimmed lawn with every blade of grass exactly the same length, a fishpond with bright blue water, a magnificent birdbath as a centerpiece—it would appear. Instead, he was looking at his worst nightmare of a garden.

  A gnome named Mankini, who was wearing nothing but a red mankini, tottered over to a tiny puddle. “Look, Paris, there’s a pool!” he shouted. He bent down and cannonballed into the puddle.

  Mud sprayed everywhere. Paris pulled his glasses off his face and wiped them slowly.

  Juliet looked over the run-down garden. She turned to Gnomeo with an uncertain smile. “I guess it’s a . . . fixer-upper?” She knew it would take months of work to get the garden into shape.

  Even though it was not what he had expected or wanted, Gnomeo was determined to see the bright side of things. He turned to Juliet. “Well, I think that it’s the most beautiful garden in the world. Because you’re standing in it.”

  Juliet bit her lip. She batted her la
shes and leaned in toward Gnomeo.

  Gnomeo shut his eyes, preparing himself for a first-class smooch.

  Nothing happened. He cracked open one eye. Juliet was an inch away from his ear. “That was super cheesy,” she whispered.

  Gnomeo threw his hands up. “Seriously? I practiced that line for about ten minutes.”

  “It was like, awful!” Juliet pronounced. She gave him a sly grin.

  “Oh, you are gonna get it,” Gnomeo chuckled. He leaped at Juliet. She danced away as he began to chase her.

  Gnomeo pursued Juliet around the garden, ducking under weeds and springing over shattered clay pots. They wove through a dandelion patch and ran along a picket fence with chipped white paint until they spotted a tall ladder against the far wall.

  Juliet raised an eyebrow. “I bet there is a pretty good view up there.”

  Gnomeo flung his hand onto the ladder. “I’ll let you know when I get there first!”

  The two gnomes bolted up the side of the ladder. Gnomeo reached the top first. He leaned down and pulled Juliet up, then swung her around.

  “Juliet, come down this instant, before you fall!” cried Lord Redbrick. Even though his daughter was by far the bravest gnome in the garden (and had proved it many times), he still fretted over her constantly.

  “When is he going to realize you’re the toughest gnome in the garden?” Gnomeo asked.

  Juliet grinned. “Now that was a good line.”

  “Didn’t even work on that one,” Gnomeo scoffed. He and Juliet turned and they both caught their breath. Below them, the overgrown mess of the garden awaited, but the view from the top of the wall was stunning. From there, they could see all of London—Big Ben, the London Eye, the stately Tower Bridge rising above the Thames. “Think of all the adventures we’re going to have,” Gnomeo sighed.

  Juliet rested her head against Gnomeo. “Look at that view. We get to watch the sunset together every night.”

  Gnomeo gazed searchingly into Juliet’s eyes. “Promise?”

  Juliet smiled. “Promise.”

  Chapter 3

  While Gnomeo and Juliet shared a romantic moment on top of the wall, a more serious moment was happening below them. As evening shadows crept through the garden, they passed over Lady Bluebury and Lord Redbrick, who were deep in conversation. As Lady Bluebury talked, Lord Redbrick kept shaking his head, but as the shadows lengthened, he finally sighed and nodded.

  It was all that Lady Bluebury needed. She motioned for Lord Redbrick to follow her, and made her way to the center of the garden. “Gather round everyone,” she called. “Choppity chop. We have an announcement.”

  Gnomes and ornaments formed a circle around the two leaders. Gnomeo and Juliet finally gave each other a kiss, and they headed down the ladder to hear what their parents had to say.

  As he looked at the faces around him, Lord Redbrick cleared his throat. “I’m having second thoughts,” he told Lady Bluebury nervously.

  Lady Bluebury sighed. She knew how hard it was for Lord Redbrick—and herself—to be making their announcement. But she also knew that it had to be done. “For goodness’ sake, we talked about this,” she replied. She wasn’t going to let Lord Redbrick change his mind.

  “But we didn’t know the garden would be such a mess!” Lord Redbrick protested. Even though the garden he had left had been utterly destroyed, he was still in shock at the dismal state of his new home.

  Lady Bluebury shrugged. The situation was terrible, but she was sure that the decision that she and Lord Redbrick had made would make it better. She stepped forward to address everyone. “Lord Redbrick and I are officially retiring. We both think a new garden is the perfect opportunity to name new leaders.”

  Fawn pawed at the ground. “Oh no, she’s talking about me,” he moaned. He brought a hoof up to his face and covered his eyes. “I knew it.”

  Lady Bluebury shook her head at Fawn and looked warmly at Gnomeo and Juliet across the yard. “Gnomeo and Juliet,” she declared.

  There was a moment of silence. In the weeds, crickets chirped.

  Then the garden exploded into cheers. Red and blue gnomes rushed to Gnomeo and Juliet, patting them on the back and offering their congratulations. The stone bunnies clicked their ears back and forth, expressing their approval. The goons formed a circle and danced happily as they held hands. Fawn gave a huge sigh of relief.

  “Us?” Gnomeo gasped.

  “Us!” Juliet said.

  “Gnomeo and Juliet will lead us in preparing the garden for winter,” Lady Bluebury continued. “When the garden blooms, will have a Seedling Ceremony to officially commemorate our new leaders.”

  “Yay, Gnomeo! Go, Juliet!” Nanette shrieked.

  “Gno-me-o! Ju-li-et! Gno-me-o! Ju-li-et!” chanted the gnomes.

  Gnomeo and Juliet joined Lady Bluebury and Lord Redbrick at the center of the garden. Gnomeo took Juliet’s hand in his, and together they took in the sight—happy gnomes whirling wildly amid the overgrown vines and weeds.

  Gnomeo squeezed Juliet’s hand. “Look at this place. Isn’t it perfect?”

  “It’s awful.” Juliet was already thinking of what needed to be done before spring. She made a mental checklist in her head. Pull weeds. Trim hedges. Turn beds. Find seeds. Plant seeds. Install centerpiece. The more she thought, the longer the list grew.

  Gnomeo chuckled. “It’s unbelievably awful. But it is ours.” He looked again at the vine-choked trees and runaway weeds. “New garden, London. We can handle this, right?”

  Juliet looked up at her partner. A determined smile crossed her face. “We’re Gnomeo and Juliet. There’s nothing we can’t handle.” She was certain that she and Gnomeo were going to be the best garden gnome leaders ever. “Besides, what could possibly go wrong?”

  Chapter 4

  As night fell across London, streetlamps flickered to life. Far from Gnomeo and Juliet’s garden, a tall, lean detective gnome wearing a flared tweed coat and a checkered hunting cap, stood slightly hunched, inspecting his trim and tidy backyard. He held a magnifying glass to a blade of grass, taking in every detail. If a human had walked by at that instant, the gnome wouldn’t have had to freeze in place—he was already utterly still.

  Suddenly, the hulking body of an enormous gnome sprang out of the darkness. He loomed over the detective menacingly. A sword sliced through the air.

  Sherlock Gnomes ducked. He brought his magnifying glass up and parried blow after blow as the sword swung ever nearer.

  Back and forth they fought, the sword biting away at the magnifying glass’s wooden handle. With a well-aimed hack, the sword cut through completely, and Sherlock was left holding nothing more than a short wooden stick.

  Sherlock slowly backed away as his attacker stalked toward him. Suddenly, he broke into a run. He vaulted off a desk and came down toward his attacker with a swift spin kick.

  The attacker slid out of the way. Sherlock’s foot hit a glass globe perched on the desk. The globe flew through the air. With a loud crack, it crashed to the ground and shattered into pieces.

  The two gnomes immediately stopped fighting. “Watson!” hissed Sherlock. “Look what you’ve done to the globe!”

  “Me? You’re the one who kicked it!” cried Watson. He wobbled unsteadily in his bulky self-defense suit.

  “Because you ducked!” Sherlock glared at his partner coldly. “The whole reason you’re wearing padding is so I can kick you! Quit your whining!”

  “I am not your punching bag,” Watson said.

  “Don’t be absurd,” Sherlock replied. “Of course you are.”

  A wind chime with the cheerful blue face of a cow wearing an old-fashioned bonnet clanked noisily. “Sherlock! Watson! Just look at this mess! How many times have I told you—if you want to practice fighting, do it outside!”

  “We’re sorry, Mrs. Udderson,” Watson said sheepishly. He bit back the urge to tell Mrs. Udderson that they were, technically, outside. He and Sherlock lived in a manger in the backyard of a redbri
ck apartment building. For years they had been partners, practicing their detective skills and taking on London’s most vexing and complicated gnome cases.

  Mrs. Udderson tut-tutted and looked pointedly at a broom and dustpan leaning against the side of the manger. Watson took the cleaning supplies and began to sweep up the bits of broken globe glass. Sherlock settled himself into a chair nearby and buried his nose in a book.

  Just as Watson had finished tidying up, a trio of gnomes stuck on a plinth hopped into the manger. “Sherlock Gnomes! Sherlock Gnomes!” they cried in unison.

  “And Dr. Watson,” Watson reminded them. “How can we help you?”

  “Sherlock Gnomes!” the trio insisted.

  Sherlock looked up from his book. “Yes, yes, what is it?” he asked impatiently.

  “Our neighbors,” began the first gnome.

  “They’ve all disappeared,” the middle gnome continued.

  “They’re all gone!” the third gnome cried.

  Sherlock and Watson exchanged troubled glances. It was not the first time, nor had it been very long since they had heard of gnomes going missing from their gardens. Sherlock rose from his chair, took an unbroken magnifying glass out from the desk drawer, tucked it in his pocket, and nodded to Watson. Together the two detectives followed the gnome trio out of their backyard.

  Under the cover of darkness, the trio led Sherlock and Watson through abandoned alleyways and deserted streets, being careful not to be seen by humans. Soon they came to a tidy, well-kept garden. It was completely empty of gnomes. A few lawn ornaments lay scattered across the grass.

  Sherlock bent down to inspect the ground. “Grass, perfectly even. Soil, undisturbed. Ant colony, thriving.” He straightened. “Do you see it, Watson?”

  Watson nodded. “Yes, there are no footprints—”

  “Someone kidnapped all the gnomes from this backyard,” Sherlock interrupted, “without leaving a single footprint.”

  Watson sighed. As usual, Sherlock had not heard a word he had said. As the night grew deeper, he and Sherlock bent their noses to the grass and began to search for more clues.